The Audition

Mann Thursday auditions for the part of Man Friday…

Transcript

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The audition channeling the legendary Mr. Spigot. Theodore Darcy Dugdale at Templar Films Inc. finished his telephone call to Quintin Tartuf at Blockbuster Movies Inc. A new version of the Daniel Defoe tale, Return to Robinson Crusoe, was in the works. In fact, if he wasn't mistaken, his first auditioner was seated outside. He collected his thoughts quickly, pressed the intercom switch, and spoke. Glenda, my love, please send in the first auditioner, will you? Her velvet voice purred ascent, and moments later the door opened to admit a walking replica of Crusoe's Man Friday. The auditioner stood there complete with untamed Giancarlo Giannini haircut and beard. Fierced bleached cut off pants, a soft white actor's shirt, and worn faded sandals. Mr Teddy inquired politely. Mr Thursday? Teddy stammered slightly. Yes, that's right. Teddy cleared his throat. Well, mister Thursday, presumably you have a first name. Yes, sir, it's it's man with two ends. Man Thursday. The auditioner grinned from ear to earring. Man Thursday. Man Thursday. Tell me, mister Thursday, at which park are you auditioning for today? Teddy continued. Man Friday, sir. Man Friday, mister Thursday, Teddy repeated. Yes, sir, that's correct, sir, and Man Thursday dropped into a studied, subservient pose as if the actor playing Robinson Crusoe should appear at any minute. No, make that any second. Well, mister Thursday, need I tell you at the outset that you certainly looked apart, the clothes, the body language, the slight unwashed aroma all striking and collectively in your favor. There's only one thing. And Teddy's voice trailed off somewhere else. Yeah? What what might that be, sir? Man inquired. Well, mean I say without too much clarity, mister Thursday, that your name, especially your surname, presents something of a problem, Teddy admitted. Yeah? Man bleeded? I mean, I like your first name, evocative of a German refugee from a bombed out frigate or something like that, but that's her name. I mean, not only is it a day early a day early, man asked, somewhat confused. A day early, mister Thursday. The park clearly calls for a man Friday, not a man Thursday. Now I have nothing against your first name, man with two ends, no, nothing at all. It's a surname. It's just inviting confusion in the cinema going public at large. Furthermore, should you be lucky enough to secure the role of Man Friday, the name thing would cause mass confusion on the set every single time we shoot. The grip, the makeup, the poor men, the cameramen and women, etc, etc, etc would all have to be trained to think Man Friday while calling for Man Thursday. Oh, I see. I never thought of it quite like that, Madden Birded. And then Mr Thursday, there's the issue of screen titles. I can hear it now perplexed cinema patrons patrons exiting the cinema foyer confused. Confused? asked Man. Confused, mister Thursday, muttering randomly utterance such as I thought all those years at Robinson's wingman, his man about the island was a man Friday. Oh, I must admit I never looked at it like that, man said, epiphany. We producers need to think about all the angles, mister Thursday. Now you seem like a very nice man. So why do you go home, sit by the phone, don't call us, we'll call you. If no one with a generic name is suitable for the role, then we'll be in touch. And if for some reason you decide to do something about your last name, well need I say more. Teddy pressed the intercom switch. Glenda my love appeared and escorted Mann out of the office. A few moments later, Teddy pressed the intercom switch once more. Glenda, my love, please send in the next auditioner.